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Posted 30 October 2009 - 05:49 PM
He said to the squid what is the matter , you look terrible.
The squid said i have down at this depth for so long i feel just terrible and so ill.
I need to up to the surface and get some sunlight.
Well jump on my back and i will take you up there says the whale.
The whale takes the squid up to the surface and he sees a shark.
So the whale says to the shark.....
Hey Fred , Here is that sick squid I owe you.
Posted 31 October 2009 - 04:05 PM
That joke use to kill before we converted over to dollars and cents in 1966.
Guess I'm just getting old.
Posted 02 November 2009 - 05:45 PM
"Cod, I'm bored," says Johnny. "Please turn me into a great big shark!"
So Cod waves his magic fin and turns Johnny into a shark.
Johnny swims off and has a few fun weeks scaring all his little friends. But eventually they work out that this particular shark isn't going to eat them, so they start ignoring him. Johnny gets angry and (disturbed prawn that he is) starts eating them. At last, there is only Christian left, and Johnny wants to play with him. He goes to Christian's rock and says,
"Christian, come out and play with me!"
"Nononono, you're a big shark, you're going to eat me!"
"No, I won't eat you, please come and play with me."
"Nononono, you're a great big shark, you're going to eat me!"
So Johnny swims off to see Cod.
"Cod, I'm bored! All my friends are dead, and Christian won't play with me. Please turn me back into a prawn again." Cod says "OK, I think you've learned your lesson," waves his magic fin and Johnny is a prawn again. He swims off to see Christian.
"Come out and play with me," he calls.
"Nonono, you're a shark, you're going to eat me!"
"No, it's OK! I've spoken to Cod, I'm a prawn again Christian!"
Posted 03 November 2009 - 04:27 PM
L J is sitting on a park bench with a big bottle of acid.
the local priest comes along and spots L J sitting there with his bottle of acid and says to L J what have you there johnny
johnny says.... it's acid father.
isn't that a bit dangerous for a young bloke like you to be playing with???
johnny says..naaahhh father.
the father says..I tell you what johnny , I'll swap you my jar of holy water for your bottle of acid.
johnny says...is it any good???
father says...yes indeed , why just this morning I rubbed some of this on a pregnant womans tummy and she past a child.
johnny says...thats nothing father...I rubbed some of this on a dogs balls and he past 2 cars and ran a red light.
Posted 03 November 2009 - 06:23 PM
we should hijack this topic and call it something funny
places i would not go to eat !
Edited by fish'n'chippy, 03 November 2009 - 07:27 PM.
Posted 03 November 2009 - 06:54 PM
Posted 03 November 2009 - 07:20 PM
how about this one
It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite.
He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.
The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.
This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time.
He went to the boy and said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you are saying."
So, the boy spit into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"
Posted 04 November 2009 - 08:09 PM
keep "gents" a fancy name for MAGOTS
in their mouth to stop them from freezing
so i've been told.......
Posted 05 November 2009 - 06:43 AM
Posted 05 November 2009 - 06:50 AM
I believe we have a responsibility to set a good example for kids.
Just my opinion.
Posted 30 July 2010 - 03:45 PM
how about this one...........................
A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes.
"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man. "O.K." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!"
A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.
Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid.
"Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen. "Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!"
The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry.
"I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.
"Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show.
That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais. With mild green, hairy lip squid!"
Edited by glen, 02 August 2010 - 09:02 AM.
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